Wednesday, February 23
realise it's been a week. haha. very little to laugh about in life right now.. i've gotten into the habit of comparing days based on pain level / shitty feeling instead of what was good. i've got to stop that bad habit. remember what mrs lee said? think of something good that happened today. well. i'll do that later.. when i'm done with listing my woes so that if anything happens i can compare the date for the doctor.
been nauseous on and off recently. threw up quite a lot. a lot more than ever. but it should be under control now, i'm on medication. migraines much much worse. may have been causing nausea. still on medication, doesn't really help but too bad. very very fatigued. no cure for that. i sleep all the time now.. even in class. just don't have the sheer energy to stay awake and move. slept 15 hours yesterday.. took a 3 hour nap just now. no wonder i never do hwk or study. sigh. my eye's okay now, wearing new glasses that are a bit too heavy. hmm toe infection.. doctor says i stubbed it against something and now it's infected. on medication for that too. luckily i'm not anaemic now.
school's pretty okay. i still don't care about the rest of the class because of my infamous policy of limiting the number of people i care about. it's pretty easy not to care anyway. i've got a heart of stone. well. i'm pretty close to 3 people right now.. we're the tim-tam family cos we like tim-tams. you know those yummy choco biscuits? well, all except one. she's anti- tim-tam but she's still in the family. you have no idea how much difference it makes to go to school knowing that there's someone there besides jan whom i can talk to. it makes a world of difference actually. they're actually fine with me liking the girl with the funky hair! although they keep groaning about it.. i realise her hair is never quite the same from day to day. today it looked nice. yesterday too. but monday's was a bit weird. haha. it doesn't matter, her side profile never changes and it's breathtakingly beautiful in
my opinion, which is all that matters to
me anyway. actually.. if things were fine.. if i didn't have that constant gnawing burning pain to remind me of the difference between myself and others.. i could be normal acquaintances with her. but things aren't fine, i need a distraction, something to hold my attention away from everything.. and she's the perfect distraction. i'm sorry. sorry for her. it could have been anyone. but she just had to be there on the first day of school with her beautiful side profile and interesting hair framing it.. and i just had to be frightened and bored and well.. kinda looking out to see if there would be anyone to provide some distraction. i hope she never finds out, but i think she already has. poor girl. it's not her fault or anything, i hope she doesn't grow her hair long.. she's so damned straight.. :( ahh well if she weren't, it would be harder for me to untie this knot. i'm in such deep shit. ah what the hell, you only live once. if it's gotta be so painful literally, might as well make it worth while, no?
the good thing that happened today.. let's see.. saw the doctor for my toe, and she said it didn't need any operating.. yet.. but i don't have to run on friday. and what else.. ooh. she walked out behind me as i was going out of school today.. but i was crapping away with my friends so she overtook us.. and walked ahead of us all the way to the bus stop. heee. =D i have
got to stop grinning crazily whenever she does that. i really pity her. i think everyone does too. someone, shoot me quick! i'm not in love with her. don't be crazy. i simply have a big fat crush on someone who happens to look like my ideal. too bad it's a girl. deal with it. somewhere else, sometime else, somehow else.
i think i'll go back to sleep sooon. there's this song ringing in my head.. ghost of you and me..
i didn't mean to fall in love with youand baby there's a name for what you've put me throughit isn't love, it's robberyi'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me.
it must've been love.
9:40 pm
xoxo
